Triggers

Having children really made me look at my own behaviour and how I deal with certain situations. I have been working hard at looking at my triggers and examining them in a non judgemental way but rather with curiosity. Noticing them was a big first step for me. 

Why does it bother me SO so much when my kids yell-talk all the time? Why, in certain situations, can't I just accept that my child has a different view or opinion than me? When I am under time pressure, why do I get frantic and have no mental capacity for things like 'I DONT WANT THESE SOCKS, I want THOSE socks' even though to my eyes, they are the exact same (!!!).

Looking back at these situations, I realise that it is always, my own emotional struggles that make me snap, grunt, roll my eyes at my children. It is something within me that gets triggered by their behaviour. Why? What happened to me that I am bothered by this? Why do I want them to act or be a certain way, is it because I want that or is it because I am just blindly following what was pushed onto me by others as a kid? 

I am learning to let go and be a little gentler with myself and my own tantrums, since I realise that is what I want to show my children too, its okay to feel overwhelmed, its ok to be angry or annoyed. It is even better to explain and talk about my feelings with them.

I am getting better with taking them the way they are, their own thoughts and feelings and often different views. I listen less to my fear. And, that is wonderful. But.. just sometimes, wouldn't it be nice for them to just SLEEP when I want to sleep, like.. PAST 5am?!? Who's with me?
Happy Saturday my friends.

Singapore babies

Moving to Singapore pregnant at 4/5 months and not knowing anyone but my brother and his wife, not having a job, not having a place to stay, not knowing the way things are done there, was a b s o l u t e l y terrifying. 

We hadn't planned for all of this to happen in these ways, clearly, but sometimes life just happens and you kinda roll with it. After settling in a few weeks and figuring out where to go grocery shopping and what to do, I found a few friends through Facebook. It was the first time that I ever went on blind friend dates. It is not something I was overly comfortable with. I liked my bubble when we lived in Berlin. I am a chatty person and can talk to anyone but this was a really different kind of situation. I was on a mission to make friends! 

I found one friend very fast in particular since we had similar due dates and we instantly clicked. I met other friends through her and through my neighbourhood that I lived in. For the first time I realised what it meant to have a 'tribe of mamas' supporting you. It was so vital for my mental health to be able to talk to others that were going through the same experiences or had just gone through them. 

I was very excited and nervous to have my child in Singapore, not knowing how things were done and a lot of things are done very differently in the hospitals, at the doctors and so forth.

In Singapore the doctor rules the birth. In Germany, a midwife has to be present at the birth but in Singapore there are few midwives, mostly there are nurses. They check up on you and check you, keep in contact with the doctor. You can ask for special midwife care in one hospital and you can hire a private Doula as well with a variety of hospitals.
Your gynaecologist who supports you throughout your pregnancy is affiliated with one or more hospitals and will be your delivery doctor. I really loved that aspect. The thought of having a close relationship throughout your pregnancy with a doctor and then going into labor and getting 'any doctor on site', that thought scared me. 
I had an absolutely wonderful Doctor, for both my pregnancies and birth.
For my second birth I had an amazing Doula who supported me just beautifully.

What made me nervous though, I really didn't like how they took my babies away for the tests, we weren't allowed to accompany them. They were taken away, brought back and you were just notified 'everything ok mummy' or 'need to re take the test, baby was crying too much'.  The hospitals, on the other hand, were like 5 star hotels! It was like a mini vacation for us to stay in it (minus the sleep deprivation obviously. oh and all the blood, sweat and tears) other than that though. Magnificent!
Looking back at my experiences in Singapore surrounding the birth of my children, there was a lot of support. Support from strangers on the street (who tend to like to just grab your child out of your arms because its just 'soooo cute'), support from nurses and doctors and most of all support from all the surrounding mamas. 

Singapore is extremely child friendly and my children were always greeted with smiles and giggles. It was a great experience over all.  

ohhh boy. so much has happened since the last time that I have written (ehh. years ago) I have been busy being a mom, a lover, a friend, moving countries, moving cities and a mom all over again. To Joe Walter McKinnon Josten. Hey there Joe, been a while already (almost 2 years! ha) but nonetheless, WELCOME to this world!

Second time around has been a crazy ride yet again. Much smoother I would like to say though. I now know, babies turn into toddlers, toddlers turn into kids and sleep is definitely UNDERRATED.